It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
