my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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