operation harelip BJ is a go
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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