Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
