1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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