he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize