i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
