why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
