We're like a lot better than the average bears
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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