I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
