Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
