To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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