drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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