he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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