I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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