sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
