What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
