I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
