He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
