She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
