Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
