is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
