There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
