If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
