I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
