sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
