this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize