Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
