Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
