I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize