Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
