Just fell off a train. Bad.
My first STD was from a foam party
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
where are my eyebrows?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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