you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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