Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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