Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm at about main and main street
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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