when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
