I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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