I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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