Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
