Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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