i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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