it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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