Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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