I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
