It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
it glows. i had to have it.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
