Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
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