I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
ugly people sure do ruin things
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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