Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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