the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
