Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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