So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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