oh god the rape fog is back!
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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