I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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