does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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