sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
