In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
