Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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