i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
