my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
