Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
