I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
