I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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