would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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