Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
