just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
