At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
