In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
