Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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