Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
