Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
