I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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