Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
