When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
