I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
