guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
