Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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