so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
