Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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