i permit you to call me
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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