I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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