I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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