I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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