So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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