I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
