Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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