Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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