well I can't set my house on fire every night
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
