I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
