At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
