Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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