the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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