my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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