i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
