5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
