What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
