is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
