He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
